self esteem

frozen petals, call me pls
i am a frozen raindrop
will you reply
will you search for me

inertia, futility, scared, awkward, hopeful, childlike. Fatigue, boredom, restless hesitant inner hopelessness, remembering childhood, wanting to make an artwork, make something but also it’s hard work and it’s kind of boring. Circles, jumping, walking around, sitting around, listless conversation. a grey sky, to see anyone is anti-climactic, but what are my friends doing? I feel competitive, I can’t be bothered to begin. Spending time in a nothing space, it doesn’t belong to you and these people don’t belong to you but you know them. You have energy to release but it’s tiring to do that. Childhood, toys, games, go back in time. But once I was back in time, I wanted to go forward in time and achieve. nowhere specific Surrounded and lonely, and alone but hazy constant thoughts and anxiety. during the intermission there can be brief activity Underachieving, brief moments, some are fine. Endless action, it moves alone. Extended moments that elongate time and force a silence but the silence is so loud for them and for the people watching I’d love to transmit my opinions on the things and the works of art that I care about White noise, haze, collections of useless objects. Work will give me purpose and I will follow my dreams. Anything can be achieved if you put your mind to it. You simply have to be disciplined and organized. There are many great artists to admire, I’d love to be something special I can achieve those things. For now, I have a day job. It’s difficult to work but I’m very fortunate. I’m lucky to work. The jobs you can get are difficult because they’re dull, tedious. I like to be in the sunshine with my friends. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I don’t. You remember things, years later. Dull and dark and cloudy a mess. I need to sleep and relax for a while. I’ll finish it tomorrow. I’ll figure out what to do tomorrow. In one space, there is nowhere to go (we’re not sure why). It’s as though they have no choice but to continue interacting. White noise and now there is also blue noise and brown noise, etc. Listen to a seashell, go to sleep, eat something heavy